Still not feeling great this morning...I just want to stay in bed alone. Where its safe to cry. I would like everyone who reads my blog & suffers from infertility and/or manic depression to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!There are others of us out here...and i personally am here if you want to talk, cry, vent, whatever...i know all to well how it feels to have to go through this by yourself...not a good feeling.. Hoping icanfind some motivation, i have things to do today...

...too much hurt,where do i turn?!?!

Crying.hurting..need someone t talk to who gets it! Who understands what infertility does to a person! I dont think i can be with my husband any more...i dont want to i guess put myself through it any more..with him having this childd to some other woman during our marriage and all the wbile im dying inside because i cant...and the visits and him just saying things like "my daughter" i just cant take it any more..i dont want to feel like this, i want this hurt to go away.noone gets it, what this does to a persoon, how it destroys you...i just want it to stop hurting...just plz stop hurting...

Its crazy how....

Its crazy how after so many years of not seeingg you, then a couple hours and a few words and i cant get you out of my head...probably the smartest thing i coulda done was take myself out of the situuation..probably whats best for both of us, so why does it feel so wrong?!?!?maybe its not even that it feels wrong, maybe its just a bothersome feeling, why do i feel like this???? Especially knowinvg that it was never a serious sitation, and more then likely never would have been...

After 11 1/2 years...

Some how i think that after 11 1/2 yrs. I am beginning to resent my husband (for his illegitimate child during our marriage) even more now...maybe its got something to do with fathers day, but just looking at him i feel so much anger, so much hurt, even hatred. My brothers gf is pregnant, her babyyshower is this coming Sunday, i usually avoid these events because it just hurts a bit too much, but i cant this one, so im wondering how im going to get through this..im so sick and tired of being sick and tired, tired of crying, tired of hurting, i try and always have hope & faith, but im worried that even that is now fading...

So I Find Myself In Tears Again..

Here i am crying again..theres so much that i deal with on my own, not by choice but no one else bothers so its just me in this battle. So with all that i already deal with, i come tind that my dh is friends with his ex (mayve even ex's i just stopped looking after seeing the first) on facebook of courae. Needless to say im even more upset now, and his andwer to me when i asked him "why would you be friends with youur ex on fb", was oh you need to see a shrink its nothing.. at this point im just trying tto find the strength to pack up and leave. I dont need this crap, always being told im wrong, im crazy everything i doo is wrong...ive got enough to deal with i dont need this kind of stttuff on top of eveerything else...

Some goood news, or so it seems right now :)

Got the email from RSI and my tubal blockage doesnt disqualify me as an egg donor. So whule thats pretty good news i find myself wondering, is it wrong of me to donate eggs in order to use the money towards my infertility problems? Im pretty sure its not, because while yes i would be donating ny eggs to use the money towards my own infertility issues, i would also be donating eggs whuch will potentially help other women with their own infertility problems, right????

SAD, LONELY DAY....

Such a long, sad lonely day! Today while envying all those who have been blessed with babies, i also couuldnt help but think im p30 yrs. old, maybe i should accept that im never going to have babies. Thinking like that rreally hurtts, but that couldd very well be the reality oof it all for me. Itss prettty scary tto think about, im already manic depressive and i sometimes have these spells where i will lie in bed for daays and cry. I dont know where to turn any more, hoping that RSI doesnt disqualify me because of the tubal blockage, thatt could really help me ou in the long run.. So hopefully ill get some good news this week, fingeers crossed :) Oh! Happy Mothers Day to all you waiting paatiently to be Moms!! We count to!