After 11 1/2 years...

Some how i think that after 11 1/2 yrs. I am beginning to resent my husband (for his illegitimate child during our marriage) even more now...maybe its got something to do with fathers day, but just looking at him i feel so much anger, so much hurt, even hatred. My brothers gf is pregnant, her babyyshower is this coming Sunday, i usually avoid these events because it just hurts a bit too much, but i cant this one, so im wondering how im going to get through this..im so sick and tired of being sick and tired, tired of crying, tired of hurting, i try and always have hope & faith, but im worried that even that is now fading...