Bed time is the worse..

night time is the worse time for me..i have so much "quiet" time to sit and think about all of this...and then just cry and cry and cry until i eventually fall asleep. Not only am i thinking about all the infertility problems but now i am probably over thinking things, for example my my husbands gram had one child then her son had one child, my husband, and my husband has a child to someone else.. So here i am thinking (excuse me for being so blunt here but there really is no other way around it) ,did he give away his one good sperm? I mean the test says his swimmers are fine but i'm thinking about facts here visual facts..i already feel like my hearts broken into a million and one pieces and i feel so empty..this is just not helping! I keep asking why? When is it my turn? Things like that, obviously not getting any answers.. You know how crazy it is? The other day i took a stupid little online quiz and it said i'd have my first child at 30, hello i'm 30 now..well that nonsense know nothing test, gave me h